so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize