Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
