I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
