Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
