Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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