ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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