she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
