he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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