the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
