She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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