just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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