doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
