Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
