i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
