Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
