im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
