everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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