I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
