i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
