apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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