Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Barsexuality is the new black.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
