We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
