is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
