if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
