I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize