After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
