Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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