so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
