I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
