Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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