Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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