She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm too high and old for this...
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