foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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