When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
