Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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