I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
