Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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