Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
