I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
