The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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