I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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