So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
