I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
