so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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