Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
