Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
