thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
