Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
