god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize