He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
