my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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