Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
