so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
