DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
