I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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