You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
