I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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