Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
