I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
