There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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