I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
