Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
