I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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