remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
